Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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