Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
