My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
