You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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