Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The best revenge is premature balding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
