doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
