I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am spending my child support on dildos
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just blew my weed a kiss
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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