ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
