Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
