These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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