Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
