In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
