I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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