Can i not drive my cunt home
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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