using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
