It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
