I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dignity is for republicans.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
