Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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