We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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