My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
