You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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