3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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