She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you will always have a special place in my vag
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
