did you get engaged???
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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