super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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