I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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