We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
