there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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