we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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