I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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