he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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