I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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