Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
