He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
