Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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