So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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