Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
