I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
