I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am available for nakedness
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
