i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
