ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
