I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
