Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
