Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
