We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
