I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
