george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
