bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
