theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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