Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just cut my nipple shaving
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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