I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
